Saturday, May 20, 2017

When I Wrote Books

Language tried to cage me in its cagey way today:
kept foisting “it” on me, as if “it” were an actuality,
not just a place-holder. “Language” is a funny
and dissembling word as well – commences
with a span that bridges and breaks down into the ugly
gorge of guage – which one enunciates as gwidge:
onomatopoeia for the choking noise that gwidges
from your craw when you, like Messrs. Holmes
and Moriarty, fall into and through that throat to hell.

“Well” is using up a lot of space as well: the Brits
prefer “as well” to “too” and “also” which the Yanks
appear to favor. Unexorcisably, the curse in verse that
that seems inexorably to beset me is, I can’t write
favor without having to – right now – write savor.

Psycho rhyme! That’s part of how I know I don’t write
poetry at all, but blocks of black marks packing into
architectural pretense: hence this cracked stack-up
of lines to which I seem to have consigned my jumpiest
synapses which connect to grind my brain into at least
the simulacrum of a mind. When I wrote books
that publishers you’ve heard of published
(hoodwinked people into letting me do volumes
such as Mr. Simon and his Schuster then begat; by now
I’ve been found out, so there will be no more of that),

I made my points, as much as not, through disingenuous
rhetorical interrogation – parenthetically attracting you
into my spider web: implying I was answering a query
you’d just posed. “What’s interesting is,” I’d ‘reply’
and then I’d say what was. Once what was, was
that “compelling” is a stirring call to laudable attention
and “compulsive” makes you think of rabid rats in sewers
squeaking madly while they gnaw into the nearest
ankle bone. That rankles just to the desired zone.

I used to think I was compulsive. Now I know I only
do what will compel. Those are the sorts of points
on which I used to dwell but now I’ve been found
out and Dutton, Doubleday and Dell won’t let me make
them anymore. But look! I haven’t written “it” for so, so
very long. Not everything I do is wrong.


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