Although you
probably too often start the self-talk
in your head the
way you’ll try recording it tonight
before you go
to bed and run on talking to yourself
some more,
which is to say (how many times have
you loved using
that phrase as a diving board?)
to try to parse
the ways and means involved in your
investigations
of Reality that you convince yourself
are far more
interesting to you than all the traps
of little lives
and flaps of envelopes and scraps
of torn-up letters
from your brother or your mother
in the midst of
similar detritus that so many others
find
spell-binding – it’s here you wonder where
the sentence you
began has gone or wants to go
which normally
won’t stop the flow but stops the flow
right now,
tonight: as if someone had yelled your
name out: Guy! Suddenly perhaps the least poetic
band of three
words which you couldn’t force to scan
if you had
stayed up all the night to labor at it through
innumerable tries
– their syllables add up to nine –
march out as if
they were your yearned-for prize.
“Disappointment
is egotism.” It makes you think you’re done.
It makes you think
you may have found a spiritual practice.
And you’re not going to rhyme another damned thing.
.
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